Do you have any advice for a single male who wants to get involved in the swinger lifestyle? I’ve always been curious but I don’t know how or where to start.
For single ladies, hooking up with swingers is like shooting fish in a barrel. For single guys, it’s not so easy. Yes, there are plenty of men out there who want you to shag their hot wives and girlfriends, but first you have to develop a solid reputation in the swinger community.
Swingers are tightly networked, which means you need to behave as if you’re running for office. It’s not that you can’t smoke, snort, or get photographed engaging in group sex. But you always need to think about how your words and actions will shape everyone’s opinions of you. You will get blacklisted if you touch anyone without asking permission, or if you don’t show respect for the husbands and boyfriends. On the other hand, if you approach each social encounter with zero expectations, and always play to your lover’s comfort level, your approval ratings will be so high that this couple will introduce you to other couples, who will recommend you to another couple, and so on.
To get started, join a lifestyle website, preferably one that verifies the identities of the members. Before you contact anyone, browse the FAQs and forums. Analyze the profiles of successful single men. Swingers are looking for real people, so your own profile should express your easygoing personality as well as an actual picture of your face.
In your regular dating life, you are usually expected to initiate contact and make the approach. In the swinger world, be patient and let them come to you. And when they contact you, be sure to mention that “it’s really all about the woman’s pleasure.” This is the secret swinger code phrase. Bring your own condoms, and afterwards, learn how to politely excuse yourself when things are winding down so that the couple can reconnect.
If you are lucky enough to spend time with a girl who has permission to play alone without her boyfriend, you’ll want to take on the role of the man-whore. In other words: wear a suit, make her feel beautiful but don’t act like you are entitled to sex, and treat her like a lady at all times except when she makes it clear that she wants to be treated like a little slut.
Reprinted from “Sex Secrets from a Girl Gone Wild” by Rita Seagrave, April 2009.
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