I just met a girl online who lives in another city, but we’re planning to get together. The problem is, she’s told me that she used to be very promiscuous (she called it her “slut phase”) and I’ve only been with a couple of girls. I want to impress her in bed. What can I do to make her feel like she’s in bed with an experienced lover?
When it’s the girl asking me how she can pretend to be more experienced, I advise her to bring her own condoms, then announce, “This is my favorite kind of condom” and unroll the condom with her mouth. (That works, right?)
But that won’t work for you. To create the facade of experience, shave your balls. Tell her you did it because you like how it feels when a woman licks them. She will automatically assume you’ve been with a ton of women. Why? It’s so rare and exceptional to find a woman who will teabag your nutsack on the first date, so you must have dated a few dozen before meeting her.
Now seriously, try not to dwell on your relative lack of experience. Just because your cyberchick has been with lots of guys, it doesn’t necessarily mean that she had great sex with all of them. Here’s your chance to obliterate her memories of those underwhelming guys. Maybe I’m pointing out the obvious, but quality matters more than quantity. A guy who’s devoted himself to one girl for three months probably has a better understanding of female anatomy than a guy who’s nailed a hundred one-nighters. Even if you banged the entire cast of Desperate Housewives, the most important lesson you would have learned is that each woman likes different things in bed.
My advice is to pay attention to how your girl responds and vary your moves based on her feedback, while simultaneously enjoying your own selfish pleasures. And remember: meeting a sexually experienced woman is like winning the sex lottery. If you really want to appreciate her gifts, lie back and let her show you how it’s done.
Reprinted from “Sex Secrets from a Girl Gone Wild” by Rita Seagrave, May 2009.
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