Rita Seagrave

When it’s the girl asking me how she can pretend to be more experienced, I advise her to bring her own condoms, then announce, “This is my favorite kind of condom” and unroll the condom with her mouth. (That works, right?)

But that won’t work for you. To create the facade of experience, shave your balls. Tell her you did it because you like how it feels when a woman licks them. She will automatically assume you’ve been with a ton of women. Why? It’s so rare and exceptional to find a woman who will teabag your nutsack on the first date, so you must have dated a few dozen before meeting her.

Now seriously, try not to dwell on your relative lack of experience. Just because your cyberchick has been with lots of guys, it doesn’t necessarily mean that she had great sex with all of them. Here’s your chance to obliterate her memories of those underwhelming guys. Maybe I’m pointing out the obvious, but quality matters more than quantity. A guy who’s devoted himself to one girl for three months probably has a better understanding of female anatomy than a guy who’s nailed a hundred one-nighters. Even if you banged the entire cast of Desperate Housewives, the most important lesson you would have learned is that each woman likes different things in bed.

My advice is to pay attention to how your girl responds and vary your moves based on her feedback, while simultaneously enjoying your own selfish pleasures. And remember: meeting a sexually experienced woman is like winning the sex lottery. If you really want to appreciate her gifts, lie back and let her show you how it’s done.

Reprinted from “Sex Secrets from a Girl Gone Wild” by Rita Seagrave, May 2009.
Copyright (C) GGW Marketing LLC. All rights reserved.

For single ladies, hooking up with swingers is like shooting fish in a barrel. For single guys, it’s not so easy. Yes, there are plenty of men out there who want you to shag their hot wives and girlfriends, but first you have to develop a solid reputation in the swinger community.

Swingers are tightly networked, which means you need to behave as if you’re running for office. It’s not that you can’t smoke, snort, or get photographed engaging in group sex. But you always need to think about how your words and actions will shape everyone’s opinions of you. You will get blacklisted if you touch anyone without asking permission, or if you don’t show respect for the husbands and boyfriends. On the other hand, if you approach each social encounter with zero expectations, and always play to your lover’s comfort level, your approval ratings will be so high that this couple will introduce you to other couples, who will recommend you to another couple, and so on.

To get started, join a lifestyle website, preferably one that verifies the identities of the members. Before you contact anyone, browse the FAQs and forums. Analyze the profiles of successful single men. Swingers are looking for real people, so your own profile should express your easygoing personality as well as an actual picture of your face.

In your regular dating life, you are usually expected to initiate contact and make the approach. In the swinger world, be patient and let them come to you. And when they contact you, be sure to mention that “it’s really all about the woman’s pleasure.” This is the secret swinger code phrase. Bring your own condoms, and afterwards, learn how to politely excuse yourself when things are winding down so that the couple can reconnect.

If you are lucky enough to spend time with a girl who has permission to play alone without her boyfriend, you’ll want to take on the role of the man-whore. In other words: wear a suit, make her feel beautiful but don’t act like you are entitled to sex, and treat her like a lady at all times except when she makes it clear that she wants to be treated like a little slut.

Reprinted from “Sex Secrets from a Girl Gone Wild” by Rita Seagrave, April 2009.
Copyright (C) GGW Marketing LLC. All rights reserved.

I can think of a few reasons why your girlfriend doesn’t want you to watch her jill-off sessions. There might not be much to see. The imperceptible movement of her fingers might be about as exciting as watching someone play Civilization II: Tests in Time. If so, tell her that you want to learn the nuances of her subtle technique in order to become a better lover and please her in bed.

She might feel embarrassed about the appearance of her genitals. Yes, they look perfectly peachy to you, but you need to reassure her –whenever you are down there, without fail– that her cozy nook is beautiful, soooo tasty, and that it smells like honey (if she’s a brunette), strawberries (if she’s a redhead), or birthday cake (if she’s a blonde).

She might feel self-conscious about you staring at her while she makes her sex face. Confront this fear directly. Tell her that it’s a huge turn on to look directly into her eyes while she’s in the height of her orgasm. Confess that you kept your eyes closed during sex with your past girlfriends, but for the first time ever you want to keep your eyes open. Because you two share a soul.

She might feel awkward about being the center of attention while you sit there and do nothing. Ask her what you can do to help. You’ll rarely go wrong with your tongue on her nipples. Does she want you to keep quiet or narrate a dirty soundtrack of encouragement?

Let’s not overlook the possibility that she doesn’t masturbate. Broaden her horizons with Getting Off: A Woman’s Guide to Masturbation by Jayme Waxman, Sex for One: The Joy of Selfloving by Betty Dodson, and a 30-day membership to ifeelmyself.com.

On the other end of the spectrum, what if she’s protecting your ego from a secret stash of monster dildos and industrial-strength vibes? Be open to incorporating the toys into your regular routines. Or, she might employ an unconventional method. For most of my teenage years, I did it face down, grinding into a stuffed animal. Now I like nipple clamps. Be prepared for the possibility of a freakshow. If you play your cards right, this will lead you to the holy grail of having wild, kinky sex with your sweet girl-next-door angel.

If all else fails, most girls will let you watch them masturbate if you give them $100.

Reprinted from “Sex Secrets from a Girl Gone Wild” by Rita Seagrave, April 2009.
Copyright (C) GGW Marketing LLC. All rights reserved.